Game of Thrones Recap Spectacular! Season 8 Episode 4 - "The Last of the Starks"

So, we survived the Long Night, and are sliding into the last three (3!) episodes of this, our Game of Thrones. We have beat the Night King, and are on to the battle we’ve always been building toward, the battle for the Iron Throne of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros. Join us, oh, 58 unique readers per week, as we dive into the Last of the Starks, and not the way Gendry did, but with trepidation and a little bit of fear, because, now more than ever, all bets are off.

Lacey: I’m going to jump in here by giving the previouslies a mention. Why you gotta show us little Lyanna Mormont being the biggest badass ever, why jumpstart us into our feels this week, showrunners? I prefer to remember her as she lived, showcasing her sick breakdancing skills. Please tell me y’all saw that video.

Essie: I did see the video and it is beyond impressive! There is apparently nothing this young lady can’t do! And methinks the showrunners jumpstarted us into our feels this week because there was a whole lot of feels to be had as the episode went on. (And yes, I’m still very very worried for Jim’s mental state after these past two episodes and the people we have lost.)

Jim: I haven’t seen breakdancing like that since loyal recap reader Marc Sciarabba was a member of the Staten Island Breakers back in the day. Then again, I think he was just in it for the parachute pants.

Lacey: We open the actual episode on Jorah Mormont’s body, Dany crying over it and kissing his brow, whispering something, but we have no idea what. Pan to Sansa crying over Theon’s body as Jim’s surrogate, she touchingly adds her Stark direwolf sigil to his Greyjoy armor. Pull-back to a shot of the pyres laid out before Winterfell, and oh, hey! Ghost! Jon gets to speechifying, very effectively, about setting aside differences and the debt of gratitude to the fallen and the honor of carrying their memories. As the pyres are lit, Arya at Beric Dondarrion, Sam at Edd, Jon looks upon Lyanna Mormont and then shares a look with Dany before we again see Jorah’s face. A reprise of ‘The Night King’s Theme’, which we heard a bunch last episode plays and the smoke from the bodies obscures our view. What a beautiful scene this was, not ashamed to say it got a little dusty in my watching place. I don’t really have a question about this that I’m not going to address in a better spot later, so I’ll let it stand. Talk amongst yourselves, let the feels out.

Essie: Is it bad that I had no feels here? Am I truly dead inside? As far as mass funerals go, this was the somber affair that we expected it to be, but I feel like I mourned who was lost last week, so this week, as we open with the funeral, all I could think is What is Dany saying to Jorah’s corpse? Just what is she doing back there? I never know what she’s doing.

Maybe I felt this way because I almost wanted the episode to kick off right where we left last week. Let me see the aftermath of people walking through the battlefield. Let me see the punch in the belly that seeing their dead friends and family slugged them with, then let me see the reactions that people had to Arya doing her thang last week, especially maybe Jon’s reaction to it. Give me the character moments in the immediate reaction. When you do so at a mass funeral, you miss a bit of the character insights because it’s a funeral, and all characters are, rightly, sad. There’s no insight there, just a bunch of ceremony.

Jim: Yes, Essie, it IS bad that you had no feels. My boy Theon is dead and he’s not coming back!! Which I know is what you wanted all along.

This episode featured not one but two William Wallace moments, the first being Jon’s epic speech before they lit their macabre tiki torches. Another film shoutout as Dany goes all Bill Murray at the end of Lost in Translation. While I generally don’t like agreeing with you, Essie, I too would’ve appreciated seeing everyone’s WTF face after Arya shivved the Knight King... but in addition to the funeral scene, not at the expense of it.

Never forget the importance of a proper funeral.

Lacey: At the funeral feast, things are still real awk for Jon & Dany, ditto Gendry who is asking the Hound if he’s seen Arya, who reminds Gendry that life is for the living. Before he can go off to find her, the queen offers our blacksmith a boon. Elevating him to Lord Gendry Baratheon of Storm’s End, legally bestowing parentage and lordship upon our sweet bastard boy. The Onion Knight, another elevated low-born lord, is the first to echo the call to honor Lord Gendry. Tyrion notes to Dany that it creates a loyal lord, and also catches a Sansa Stark stinkeye. She is still NOT feeling Dany. Tyrion & Davos chat about Melisandre & faith. Tyrion is looking toward the future worries of keeping these fragile alliances together now that they’ve beat the all-consuming existential threat. Perennially morose motherfucker Davos gets it. The men, along with Tormund & Sansa are egging Jon on to drink, for his part, he calls for a toast to The Dragon Queen, who then hails absent Arya Stark as the Hero of Winterfell. Tormund continues, extolling Jon’s accomplishments and virtues, while Dany looks more and more like someone pissed in her PSL (still visible on screen as of this viewing, I’ll let the filmiest of us, Senor James handle that if he so chooses). Varys also looks a bit peaked. Dany looks from the Lannister brothers to the Northmen, clearly seeing forces that could align against her. Is the Dragon Queen starting to turn paranoid Mad Queen? Don’t we all know someone a bit Tormund-y? Is vomiting celebrating?

Essie: Admittedly, Dany’s had a tough go of losing people lately (and this episode totally didn’t help with that, amirite?). On top of it all, she’s still a stranger in a strange land filled with xenophobes, who are still turbo-suspicious of her even though she helped save all their asses and lost her closest friend, advisor, and protector in the battle, not to mention a TON of her army.

AND she has now lost her lover, you know, because he’s actually her nephew. So, while I am normally at least a little hard on Dany, I get why she was looking so upset at the head table during the feast, and I identified with her loneliness-in-a-room-full-of-people-celebrating thing just a bit too much. The whole scene is at least a good setup to the conversation she has with Jon later in thee episode. Ahhh… character building… how I have missed thee with this show lately. At least we get a glimpse of it in this episode, but, that said, there are at least a couple moments in this episode where they piss all over character development, but I’m sure we’ll get to that.

Finally here, to answer Lacey’s most important question here, vomiting is celebrating when you’re too young to know any better. Past the age of 25 (give or take), vomiting from partying just showcases that you don’t know what you’re doing and that you’re obviously doing something very very wrong.

Jim: Yay! It only took one question to get back to disagreeing with Essie! I apologize to our reader(s) who had to witness that. Vomiting after 25 means you’re doing something right. And that something probably involves booze, hookers, cocaine, a ferret, and maybe some meth. Ahh, Saturday nights in the coal region...amirite, Lacey? Hello? Lacey?

This whole scene was a tremendous setup for Dany’s eventual downfall. Sure, the North hasn’t embraced her with open arms the way they did across the sea but the North wasn’t in need of being freed from slavers & such. Certainly she deserves a ton of credit for her role in the Battle of Winterfell but they’re not just gonna fall at her feet, especially when one of their own was doing essentially the same thing she did on a dragon.

Perhaps her inability to fry the Night King with her dragon fire was a metaphor for her inability to melt the collective heart of the North. Dany is on the path to Crazytown and the paranoid way she looked around that room kicked it off for sure.

As for the Starbucks cup...oof, I feel bad for the continuity person as well as anyone else who worked on that scene. It’s amazing it made it all the way through the coloring and editing process without anyone noticing! But I feel for the crew - that’s embarrassing and super easy to miss. For example - on my own award-winning* short film The Head, there was an obviously- modern Dunkin’ Donuts Iced Coffee cup and a plastic water bottle left on the table in the background of a scene that was supposed to take place mid-1970’s and I never noticed until it was too late. Oh my God, you guys are wondering where you can see the gaffe and this award-winning* short film? I thought you’d never ask:

*It’s an award from an academy…I’m sure you never heard of it…it’s from Canada…

Lacey: Jaime & Tyrion have been getting Brienne pissed by playing some Westerosi version of Never Have I Ever. Tyrion takes kind of a mean jab at Brienne saying that she’s a virgin. She hides her offense a bit, excusing herself to the wiz palace just as Tormund walks up. He makes to follow her and Jaime blocks his way. Poor Tormund isn’t too drunk to see what’s going on, and in an ice-cold bro move, Tyrion pours his wine into Tormund’s drinking horn and cheerses him before moving on. Pod is just doing Pod things, making his plans for the evening. Tormund is looking for sympathy from the Hound, but instead finds an intrepid Northron lass to drown his feelings in. Her friend takes a shot with the Hound and is brutally rebuffed. Sansa joins the Hound, and in the background, we see Pod picking up the ego of the girl the Hound blew off and doubling down on his plans for the evening. I found this extremely hilarious. Especially juxtaposed against the convo we’re about to hear. Sansa & the Hound reminisce about old times. She recounts how she let Ramsay’s hounds eat his face. The Hound brings up the things that have happened to her since she refused to leave King’s Landing with him Sansa: “Without Littlefinger, Ramsay and the rest, I’d still be a little bird.” I’ve seen a lot of hate about this online, saying it’s a trope, the damaged woman emerges strong thing, which I get. But being as intimately familiar with this particular world as I am, without the things Sansa went through, she would absolutely still be a silly, frivolous lady, married off without a real thought in her head. Yes, the Ramsay storyline was particularly shitty, but it served to harden her in a way that I think we have yet to see fully serve Sansa in the story, and I think we’re going to. How about y’all?

Essie: I get the point the detractors of this scene are wont to make, but ultimately I tend to agree with Lacey about this. It’s true that Sansa would be some silly, frivolous lady without the fire that she’s been tempered with, but was the shit she went through with Joff and Cersei enough to wake her up? Did she really need the whole Ramsay stuff to make her who she is now? And that’s just the point of the people who are taking up arms against this. The detractors are saying the show’s making it out that her mistreatment… culminating with her repeated rape… is a good thing, because she wouldn’t have become the strong and smart person we see now without them. And yes, it is a bit “UGH”-inducing (and quite bad form, especially for a show that probably touches on the whole rape thing a bit too much) that the show is kinda going there.

But what Lacey said about this world these characters live in rings true. It’s a SHITTACULAR world, and SHITTACULAR things happen. What can you do in the wake of these things but become stronger or be crushed? Maybe it’s a positive thing and a signal of her strength that Sansa isn’t hollowed out and destroyed by the horrific things she’s been put through. A lesser person could have been. Meanwhile, she’s emerged from hell, undestroyed… and, you know, what doesn’t kill you…

Jim: Hot take - Woke Internet is uber tiresome. Not every statement that every character makes in every show or piece of entertainment needs to be immaculate in terms of how evolved characters should be. It’s a story, filled with characters who are imperfect. Written by writers who are imperfect.  

Terrible shit happened to Sansa, she came through it, and is now inarguably a badass. Perhaps she would have gotten there if the circumstances were different, perhaps not. The point is - maybe she, a fictional character, seems to believe she would not have. Is the character not allowed to have her own opinion on how her life has developed up to this point? Why do her feelings on her past from a fictional universe, in God knows what time period, NEED to line up with our understanding of things in the real world of 2019?

On top of all of it, I don’t know that she even believes all of it was necessary because the point of the scene to me was to gain the Hound as an ally. Dany made her move to shore up Gendry and gain good will with everyone in the room. Sansa saw that and was like, fuck, I need to step it up and gain loyal followers too. Perhaps she read the situation and deduced that the Hound would respond to someone who had been through trauma (like him) and improbably come out stronger on the other side of it (like him). If we all agree Sansa is super sharp, then we might all agree she’s smart enough to know how to impress someone like the Hound.

Either way, I agree with Lacey and even Essie (egads!), that it seemed to fit in this particular scene for this particular character.

Lacey: Gendry finds Arya engaging in some archery practice during the party, and misreads everything about our girl. He tells her about his brand new lordship, and proposes to Arya bringing the aw, poor guy awkwardness up to 11. He asks her to be his lady, and that’s where he totally loses her, Arya ain’t never been no lady, and now she’s got bonus assassin powers. We leave Gendry’s sad face in the dark. Elsewhere in the castle, we see Brienne stoking a fire (not a metaphor), as there’s a knock on her door. Jaime is there and he’s forcing the issue of her not drinking. He’s kind of adorably awkward, using the heat as an excuse to disrobe a bit. He shows his jealousy of Tormund and the possibility that Brienne might be into him. Jaime begins to undress Brienne, but she does it herself, then helps him off with his shirt as well. Bow. Chick. A. Wow. Wow. Brienne admits her virginity, and they get to it, it’s sort of Jaime’s first time too, seeing as I don’t think he’s ever been with anyone but his sister before. In one 5 minute sequence, the writers break, then mend, the hearts of the fandom, by ending one ship & letting another set sail. But now, Brienne has broken the horror movie rule. I’m pretty sure Arya doesn’t feel feelings like the rest of us anymore (also like her brother the Three-Eyed Raven, and her sister, for that matter), but do we believe that Jaime actually thought Brienne might prefer Tormund to him?

Essie: Firstly, my heart was not broken at all due to Arya shutting down Gendry. As I have stated, repeatedly, I didn’t want to see these two wind up together. Plus, Arya has other bidness to attend to… which I’m REALLY hoping doesn’t ultimately get her killed, though I’ve also been one to say that a character such as hers that deals with SO much death is not going to survive the finale. Also, I can’t imagine that Arya is going to be the one to kill both of the show’s big bads, so I really don’t think that it’s her that’s going to off Cersei, which also makes me fear for the Wolf Girl… and then there’s the fact that she says she doesn’t expect to survive her trip south. YIKES!! (And I know that Jim wants to see this just so I’ll suffer with losing a favorite character much like he lost a couple of his over the past weeks.) As far as Jaime and Brienne go, Jaime saying it’s hot and taking off his clothes (or trying to) was about as obvious and awkward as when Jimbo Jones was macking out with Bart’s babysitter on The Simpsons and told her he was disrobing because, “Hey baby, my shirt’s chafing me… mind if I take it off?” But I bought into the scene and like these two together, and the fact that this is the first person he’s been with who is not his twin sister made me really feel like he’s grown and has put the past behind him. And this was amplified when he decided to stay in the North, which surprised me, but it was nice to see.

Then… well, then the wheels came off everything later… and so I facepalm to the Nth power.

Jim: Poor Gendry. Lad was on top of the world, then totally misread the situation and got denied like me trying to shop for clothes at Skinny McSkinnerson’s House of Slim Fit Jeans. Arya’s got shit to do and marrying Gendry Riverwaters isn’t one of them.

As much as I might enjoy seeing Essie devolve into a puddle upon Arya’s death, I’m not so sold on her demise. I had a crazy theory that involved Jaime killing Cersei only to have Arya remove his face Mission Impossible-style and handing the throne to Sansa, so Wolf Girl needs to live at least that long.

Jaime’s It’s Getting Hot in Heeeeerrrre seduction style was pretty lame while also being totally endearing. No way he thought Brienne was all about Tormund and Jaime did pull a ginormous cockblock on the Wildling...but I guess when you’re a “King Killer” you can get away with that sort of thing.

Lacey: Dany enters Jon’s room and tries to make like old times, and offers him what she sees as the only way to go forward, which is swearing he’ll never tell anyone that he’s Aegon Targaryen. He swears, but we can see the “girl is you crazy” hesitation in his eyes. She fears his charisma and natural leadership, she knows people are going to follow him, and no matter what his designs on the throne are, people will use his claim to discount hers. It’s hard out here for a Dragon Queen. Even more so, because, as we get an accounting, we’ve lost half the Unsullied, half the fighting men of the North and the Vale, with the Golden Company in the mix, the odds are less favorable than they previously were. Dany wants to hit Cersei hard, ripping her out “root & stem”. Tyrion reminds her the innocent people in the way. Dany is real caught up on titles, less so on the innocent folks of King’s Landing. Jon offers a more measured option, Sansa rightfully points out that the Northorners need some time to recuperate. Dany is taking this as a betrayal. The Stark Sisters are together in thinking this is some bullshit, but Jon doubles down on his promise to Dany. Seems a lot of people are thinking Dany needs tempering. In the Godswood, the Stark siblings are arguing about Dany. Arya respects the military needs of Jon kneeling to Dany, but they don’t think Dany’s the dragon to back in this fight.

Arya says they’re the “last of the Starks”, that Jon’s her brother, he’s looking guiltier & guiltier by the word. Bran says it’s his choice to reveal all to the sisters. Jon makes the ladies swear to keep the secret, then chickens out and has Bran tell them about who he really is. Wow, there is no Neddier, Starkier thing to do than immediately feel the need to tell the truth, is there? I’m having a hard time finding a question in all this. We’re confirming things we already know. Dany is getting paranoid. The allied forces are compromised. No matter who his DNA came from, Jon Snow’s daddy is Ned Stark. Thoughts?

Essie: Well, you say there is no Neddier thing to do but to tell the truth, but that dude kept this MASSIVE secret for almost two decades. I mean, Ned certainly did some truly stupid things, but he certainly wasn’t one to blab. Dude was a fucking VAULT.

I liked the fact that they FINALLY have some interplay with Jon and the Stark Sisters, but it’s not enough for me. I’d really like to see how these three people all view each other more than through fleeting glimpses. You see it a bit more with Sansa and Jon, because she’s (rightfully) questioning what he’s doing, but I just wish there was something more the show gave us in regards to this family who has been reunited after being through hell. Does Jon even realize how much of a complete badass his kid “sister” is now??

Jim: I think it’s interesting the way the remaining Stark kids interact with one another. They spent how many seasons yearning to be reunited and when they finally are Bran is a BirdCreep, Arya leveled-up in Assassin’s Creed, Jon was literally resurrected and Sansa is forever damaged from her time with Robin Arryn(where is he, btw?). Jon is holding on to the idea of a family and feels obligated to share everything with them but he, like Ned Stark, might be misreading the situation. Sansa is the only one truly playing the Game of Thrones and maybe giving her all the info she can use against his Aunt Girlfriend might not be the best play.

Lacey: Bronn and his big-ass crossbow enter the story, interrupting Tyrion being gross about Brienne, saying he hasn’t been with a woman in years. Bronn points out the narcissism of Jaime sleeping with Brienne, another “tall, blond toff”, considering he’s only ever been with his twin before, it tracks. Bronn lays out what Cersei is offering, Riverrun. Tyrion doubles down and offers Highgarden. The snob jumps all the way out of Jaime at this suggestion. Bronn lets them know he’s not kidding around, he won’t be fighting, but he’ll be waiting to see who wins and then collect his spoils, either way. The Hound is on the road out of Winterfell, and is joined by Arya. We’re clearly getting this band back together, on the way to Cleganebowl & Cersei’s death.

They’re followed by everyone else preparing to head south. We see that Rhaegal is injured, but not dead. Tyrion meets Sansa and tells her that she’d be the power in the North if Dany is queen, despite her reservations. He’s trying to appeal to her rational side, but Sansa doesn’t trust Dany or the capital when it comes to her family. Sansa takes this opportunity to tell Tyrion about Jon’s true identity.

Tormund tells Jon that he’s taking the Free Folk back to the real north, which cuts the fighting forces a bit further down. Jon tells Tormund to take Ghost with him, and doesn’t even say a proper goodbye, which is like, what the fuck, I know there’s a CGI budget, but still. We also find out that Gilly is, indeed, pregnant. Jon’s Northron allies watch him go, I don’t feel so good about this.

At sea, we’re pulling up to Dragonstone. Varys & Tyrion are talking treason, debating the better points of Dany & Jon, worrying about Dany’s state of mind. Outside, dragons are flying, but not for long. HOLY SHIT. The Iron Fleet somehow sneaks up unnoticed with a whole bunch of scorpions and straight up kills Rhaegal. Dany can’t get close enough to light them up amid the flying bolts, when she retreats, Euron aims his weapons at the fleet, tearing the boats apart, everyone flees. On the beach, all of our main players wash up except for Missandei.

So, in all of that, Bronn is still being Bronn, no real questions there. Did anyone else feel the intense sense of foreboding as I did, watching Tormund, Sam & Ghost watch Jon leave? Does Dany losing another of her children make her just a scoch closer to losing her shit completely? How did the entire Iron Fleet sneak up on someone flying around on a dragon?

Essie: Jon not saying a proper goodbye to Ghost has broken the internet today, even though it took place during an episode of unsettling things: Miss Andi losing her head (sorry, James), Rhaegal getting dusted out of literally no where, Jon laughing and drinking and having fun… which was just REALLY creepy and unsettling!

Jon dissing his pup is just WRONG here. With that said, I get that his goodbyes were certainly meant to be the last time he sees these dear friends of his in the series, but I also think that it really marks Jon for death. I thought he was going to ultimately get it before the season started, but a few things in this episode certainly seemed very foreboding for him.

Then again, I fully expect like 90% of the characters to die.

That said, I did NOT see the Rhaegal thing coming, and I was beyond shocked, horrified, and upset. What the actual fuck?? And do these people know nothing of advance scouting to see where your enemies are or to be sure your path is clear to travel for the bulk of your troops? It is, once again, just REALLY poor planning and strategy all for the sake of moving the plot along and cramming things into the final episodes. And while the first part of this episode really had me sucked in with some great dialogue and we see the wheels turning with so many characters and their allegiances, in the second part of the episode there seemed to be a lot of stupid things done and, really, just kind of some lazy writing to put things in motion. I was more upset and perplexed by the things in this episode than I think I have been at any point in the series run so far. More to come on that later.

Jim: I don’t know if either of you watch the amazing Veep, but in the episode that aired the very same night as this one, Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s character is praised by the American people for drone bombing a wedding party full of women & children but then is immediately vilified when video of the strike leaks and people see that an elephant was killed in the bombing.

What I’m saying is - Jon & Ghost haven’t been homies since like Season 3 and is petting a direwolf advisable anyway? Its a fucking WOLF!

There was a lot of dread in that scene of Jon’s departure and not just cuz Gilly was in it. I don’t believe this is the last we’ll see of Tormund Giantsbane and by extension, Ghost, so everyone can just chill the fuck out. If you want to be apoplectic - Gilly is passing along more of her dumb as a bag of hammers genes! Hello!!

As i think I stated before there was ZERO chance Bronn was killing either of the Lannister brothers and he was playing them for a bigger reward. What seems like a mistake to trust Bronn might have been that she didn’t trust having him close so she sent him away. Who knows? But I do know he’s not staying out of the fight either.

This episode and the series would’ve been better served if it was broken into two separate episodes. The first one is all castle and ends with Jon leaving and saying good bye to his friends. Next episode would’ve been all about the ambush and meeting in King’s Landing. All of that stuff is important and deserved its own episode. Not sure why they had to stick to the six episode format but they fucked that one up.

Lacey: In King’s Landing, Cersei talks over their win with Qyburn & Euron, telling Euron she’s pregs, letting him think he’s put a prince in her belly. She’s also letting people flood into the Red Keep and feeling pretty smug about Dany losing a dragon. They’ve also captured Missandei. Varys is imploring Dany to not become a tyrant while trying to free the world from them. Tyrion joins him, and gets her to offer Cersei surrender terms. Varys asserts that he serves the realm, and the people in it, and will continue to do so, even if it means putting Jon on the throne over Dany. Tyrion hopes that Dany will make the right choice. How do we think Jaime will feel about Euron claiming he’s Cersei’s baby daddy? Will Dany make the right choice? Is the best ruler one who doesn’t really want to rule? How am I suddenly Team Varys?

Essie: Welcome, my friend, to Team Varys. I have been here for quite some time, because it seems like he is one of the only people looking out for the common folks and doesn’t give AF about allegiances to kings and queens, especially so when they become tyrants. I think the Spider may be the true hero of this story.

No?

Yeah, maybe not, but I still feel that, as shifty as he can be, he’s one of the few people who try to do good in this whole world.

Jaime and Euron are apparently heading for a showdown now that he has displayed that he can’t quit Cersei, but I see the next question has to do with the Man With the Golden Hand, so I’ll leave this sit for now.

And I also tend to agree that the best ruler is someone who doesn’t want to rule, because they’re not doing it for their own agenda or just to feed their ego. In a sense, Jon would be the better ruler, but he’s still got a lot of dumb-decision-making Ned Stark in him, though that’s never seemed to stop him from failing upwards… repeatedly. Meanwhile, Dany has worked and worked to get to where she is, and she is seeing all of this stuff she’s worked and suffered for get stripped away piece by piece. It’s a tragedy really… much like this entire show is one giant tragedy in a horrid world where unspeakable things happen on the daily.

Wow, we all love some depressing and upsetting stuff right here, especially since, “If you think this has a happy ending, you haven’t been paying attention.”

Jim: Is there a more on-brand move for Cersei than Operation Human Shield??

I too believe Varys is right and that Jon would make the better ruler for the people. But I think maybe the true best ruler at this point might be a Tyrion & Varys tag team...or a Tyrion, Sansa, Varys triumvirate.

I did love Tyrion’s line about Dany walking into a fire with three eggs and coming out with three dragons so how could she not believe in destiny… Dany is a ticking time bomb & I hope the Imp realizes it before it’s too late.

Lacey: In Winterfell, Brienne recounts the losses at Dragonstone. Later, post-bone, Jaime contemplates, and readies to leave. Brienne catches him, begging him to stay. He recounts the terrible things he’s done for Cersei, says he’s a monster just like her, and leaves, breaking Brienne’s heart. Folks are saying she wouldn’t have reacted that way, and I’m wondering how they couldn’t see her gooey, gooey center. So many of the strong in the world have the goo. Why did the show have to go and sink this ship so quickly?

Essie: Yeah, this whole thing to me was also like a kick in the teeth in an episode full of kicks to the grill. I REALLY, and obviously foolishly, thought Jaime had turned a huge corner, especially when he decided to stay in the North to be near his new lover.

Nope. He can’t get out of it. My question is, WTF is he going to do in King’s Landing? Is he expecting to save Cersei somehow?? She seems FAR more capable of protecting herself than he can now. I just don’t get it… and it flies in the face of everything we’ve seen him go through since the show started, and this is RIGHT on the heels of Bronn saying Cersei hired him to kill Jaime and Tyrion. Like…. Whaaaaaaaaaat is goinggggg onnnnnn???

As for Brienne, I had no problem with her reaction. Just because she's a fucking badass doesn't mean she doesn't have a heart, and this heart is being broken in a horrible fashion by the first person she ever thought was in love with her. And if you take into account that she was so hesitant to get involved in anything or admit her true feelings because she wound up as the brunt of SO many jokes in the past, especially when it came to men and how they viewed her, I'm sure Jaime bailing brought back a lot of those "I'm such a fool for trusting anyone" feelings Brienne was hit with so often throughout her life, and especially so when she was younger and probably not as steeled to it. It's just shit what Jaime is doing here. Big, stinking, terrible shit.

Jim: Brienne’s reaction was completely appropriate. When the Big Woman loves, she loves hard...I mean she carried a torch for Renly Fuckin’ Baratheon for waaaaay longer than was necessary. Of course she was eventually going to break down when someone screwed her over. Just cuz you’re tough doesn’t mean you can’t cry. Rocky incoherently BAWLED when Mick died and he also took roughly 700 punches to the head from Clubber Lang, so fuck off.

Also, I am back in my comfort zone of disagreeing with Essie about Jaime Lannister. It’s probably true that Jaime leaving a good person like Brienne to rush back to his terrible sister after everything he’d been through would be a bad writing choice…

If that is what happened.

What if…

What if Jaime truly realized after his wonderful and loving experience with Brienne that Cersei is a complete monster and so is he but he left Winterfell to remedy that situation? What if he isn’t going back to protect Cersei at all but to put an end to her and their unborn demon seed? What if Jaime’s character arc wasn’t completed because he became a good guy and knighted Brienne in more ways than one? What if his true character arc is to kill Cersei and add Queenslayer to his list of cool nicknames?

That might all be bullshit. All I’m saying is, don’t write off Ser Jaime and his storyline just yet.

Lacey: At the gates of King’s Landing, Dany, Grey Worm, Varys & Tyrion stand before what looks like a pitiful amount of Unsullied. Above, Cersei, Euron and the Mountain are behind Missandei, hands chained. Looking very walk-the-planky. Qyburn emerges, to parlay with Tyrion. Tyrion lays out the surrender plans, Qyburn basically says same, but we’re also going to kill Missandei in front of her. Tyrion realizes that Qyburn is useless and goes around him, speaking to both of the queens in his life. He does a badass, staring down the archers of the Golden Company, imploring Cersei (and maybe Dany) to let go for their children. His sister is not moved. She walks up to Missandei and whispers that it’s time for her last words. Missandei: “Dracarys”. The Mountain lops off her head, and Missandei is no more, Grey Worm can’t look, and Dany turns to leave. Tyrion looks ill. The last shot of Dany looks like she’s ready to do a murder. Wow. Clearly, to me at least, all thoughts of Dany doing the right thing are gone. Will she burn King’s Landing before or after Jon gets there? I feel like there’s a LOT of show left for 2 episodes, how are we going to squeeze it all in? Jim, are you okay?

Essie: Well, obviously they’re going to squeeze it all in through rushed and haphazard storytelling that makes me question everything about this series as a whole. Dany looks like she’s having a major heel turn, her advisors are starting to bail on her, she’s still listening to them and STILL listening to Tyrion, who VERY OBVIOUSLY has a blindspot for his sister’s lack of humanity, and honestly, that move with them coming to King’s Landing in such a small force should have gotten them all killed.

How did Cersei and gang NOT start firing on all of them with the giant scorpions now posted all around King’s Landing? If not that, how did they not send a force riding out to deal with them all right then and there? And what was up with her saving Tyrion?? I mean, what does she have to gain from letting him live, ESPECIALLY after hiring Bronn to ride North and KILL HIM!?!?

Again, this is just a lot of rushed and lazy writing, and I’m hating it a bit. This may have been the worst episode of this show. I just hated so much about it, because it seems like not a lot of thought was put in to certain major aspects of it and it’s all just nonsense plotlines to move the story forward, whether these things make actual real sense or not. And that especially upsets me, because, although this is set in a fantasy world with dragons, and magic, and ice zombies, there has always been a kind of real smartness behind it all. This episode, and this scene in particular, makes me question all of that.

All that said, I’m guessing next episode is one where the shit is REALLY going to hit the fan, as usually the next-to-last episode of the season has been the big one, I expect an exaggerated degree of that in the next-to-last-episode of the entire series. And with that in mind, I expect the final episode to be cleanup and resolution from said craziness of next episode.

And I would say yes that Dany now wants to burn the city to the ground, and I get that and get why at least. BUT… will her advisors (namely Varys) let her or find a way to stop her? How could she even broil Cersei alive with one dragon and all of those scorpions blocking her path to the capital?

I hope that whatever happens next episode, the logistics are better thought out than the last two episodes. There was some nice moments and intrigue at the beginning of The Last of the Starks, but this episode derailed for me in a big way as we got closer to the end. I pray that next week does not leave me feeling the same way.

For now I will just pour some out for Jim and the loss of his Miss Andi… I know he must be hurting like mad right now. Hang in there, James!!

Jim: I’ll say it again - this one episode should have been two so that this half of the story got room it needed to breathe.

I’ve been trying to ignore my feelings about Miss Andi and Her Missing Head this whole recap but it really feels like this show has personally attacked me after the past two episodes. I genuinely assumed Grey Worm would be mourned over by Miss Andi but this… this was just punitive towards me.

Miss Andi did get to pull off our second William Wallace moment of the episode when growling “Dracarys” as her final word. I hoped for a second that the Last Dragon was going to respond but instead the Mountain was just a dick.

Admittedly, it was a fairly stupid plan for them to go there but I guess the only way for their plan to offer Cersei a way out so that the people would know was to do it in person? I don’t know, either way, it didn’t work and now Dany is COMPLETELY off the reservation and going to descend into a rage-filled madness. I mean, talk of her willingness to torch the innocents of King’s Landing is literally the very thing that got her Mad King father murdered by Jaime, was it not?

All I know for sure is, this is not going to end well for anyone. Except maybe for Hot Pie cuz I imagine he’ll get that sweet catering gig for Gendry & Arya’s wedding, right? Oh, wait...